


Full Enclosure

by citrusella



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: (less like wanting to die, (written before we even knew about Bismuth Casual), Angst, Gardens & Gardening, Gen, Isolation, POV Second Person, Post-Episode: s06e10 Prickly Pair, Self-Worth Issues, Steven Universe Needs Therapy, Steven needs to be needed, Suicidal Thoughts, more like being apathetic about the value of your life)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:01:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24818047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrusella/pseuds/citrusella
Summary: What am I going to tell you? You're better off not knowing the trouble I'm in.I don't want you to worry about what I've just seen, about where I've just been.You don't have to be a part of this, I don't think I want you to be!You don't need this, you don't need me...Or: Steven defines himself by his connection to others. So when they all leave, then… he's no one.(In short: Steven is crushed by his need to be needed.)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56
Collections: lofi fanfics to practice social distancing to





	Full Enclosure

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote most of this pretty shortly after Little Graduation and Prickly Pear, then abandoned it. Got the urge to spruce it up yesterday and finished it today!

You haven't left the dome for three weeks.

Well.

Okay.

That's not _exactly_ true; you've left to get food every once in a while when you've been sure the gems weren't in the house.

They must know you've been grabbing food unless they think Amethyst's eating it all, but they still ask you every night if you're coming to dinner.

You'd think after night 5, 10, 15 of "no, thanks" they'd get the picture, but nevertheless, they persist. This time it's Amethyst. The convo is rote by now—you expect that question, she expects that answer.

…Can't they see how much you'd ruin everything if you just… came out? No, this is where you should be.

It's not like anyone needs you nowadays. No Little Homeschool classes to teach, no horrible awful graduations to attend where you trap everyone and almost kill them, nothing to work on or fail at or leave forever.

No one can drift away if you never leave the dome to see them. You can just live comfortably in the notion they're right outside the door, waiting, and it's actually _you_ who is simply choosing not to see _them_ , not the other way around.

Because if it's your choice, then nothing is wrong. Everything's chill.

…But everything's _not_ chill. You're not sure the last time it was.

Ugh! Why do you suck so bad?

You're just messing everything up, like you did when you were little. Destroying the Sea Spire, spouting off a list of humans to a then-hostile gem, giving yourself away to Homeworld. Like you did what feels like a year ago, even though it's only been a few months. Spinel, the injector. Like you did last month, the last few weeks. Dad's hair, the graduation, the house.

You're ruining Dad's life, ruining the gems' lives, ruining your friends' lives, probably ruining Connie's life too and you haven't even seen her all that recently.

That you're ruining your own life goes unspoken, unexamined, because _of course_ you are, but what does it matter when things are happening to other people?

Things you can't help with, things you can't fix, stuff you can't just _make better_.

Things you don't have any business making better, that don't need fixing, your help.

When did you get the notion that you had to be the center of everything? You're so selfish. The first unselfish thing you did since that happily ever after business back in summer was to lock yourself in this stupid dome, to hide yourself away so you wouldn't be a bother to anyone. Maybe you'll stay in here until you starve, suffocate, get crushed.

Better you than half the town.

Okay.

Well.

That certainly sounds darker than you thought it would, it's just…

You don't—

It's not—

No one needs you anymore. No one needs you to save the beach, to help evacuate, to dismantle an empire, to remove an injector, to kiss an entire planet back to life. To destroy a restaurant awning, to hammer fist a rhythm game into non-functionality, to lay waste to a roller coaster or teacup ride, to start a war, to possess your friends.

You… it's not like that, but… no one needs your help, so why are you still here?

What future do you have when you've peaked at 15? Where else is there to go but down? You're not that perfect angel 14-year-old savior-of-the-galaxy _child_ anymore. Not even the savior of Earth you were right after Spinel.

And if anyone ever looks at you long enough to figure that out, they'll realize—

There's a knock at the dome door. "Steven?"

It's…

Connie?

Your breath stalls in your lungs, as if letting it out will trigger an alert, make it oh-so-clear to the very intelligent person on the other side of the wall exactly what you're hiding. You can't let her see, can't let her hear you move… you're frozen.

She knocks again. Some part of you wants to turn, to reach out, to tell her everything, but… does she really need that?

~~Does she really need _you_?~~

Moments pass. She's still out there. She's right outside the door, waiting. You could answer her, talk to her, you—

You turn and water a plant.

**Author's Note:**

> Now to see if I can finish that unrelated-to-this thing I set with a hard due-date of June 21 in less than a day and a half. (I probably cannot. XD)


End file.
